Feliz Aniversario

Well, this seems a bit backwards considering that my husband doesn’t read this blog… (perhaps, I will print him a copy.)  All the same, here I am to wish him a happy birthday.

To my husband: You are my favorite person in the world.  Your awkwardness around elevators makes me shake my head smile.  You are also quite tall, which is both attractive and has come in handy on numerous occasions.  You fret about your curly hair on a daily basis (it truly has a mind of it’s own and you should just give up now.)  Your frugal nature has led to many memorable domestic trips in the lower forty-eight states.

I love that you can tell me exactly what I was wearing on our first date, and that you brought me to a gay bar where the bouncer caressed your soft hand.  Your intense fear of spiders, snakes, and sloths will always fascinate me.  You are so considerate to coordinate your panic attacks around mine.

I knew I loved you forever when you visited me at the orphanage in Miacatlan.  Before I could hug you, there were twenty girls surrounding you and calling you papa.  For that short time, you played and spoke in broken Spanish and were a complete joy for those girls.

Instead of bringing me roses, you gave them to my twenty-one girls.  Most had never received flowers in their life.  Instead of just leaving them in the vase, they insisted on carrying them around in coke bottles for two days straight.

You are a dedicated husband and friend, an excellent athlete, and a strong-willed individual. You are intelligent and handsome and the funniest person I know.  I can’t wait to be your old lady, drinking Ovaltine and watching you play jokes on the grandchildren.  I don’t tell you these things enough… but I love you and can’t wait to continue this adventure with you.  Here’s to many more roses in coke bottles.

Lutraphobia

I very much enjoy having the windows open.  Growing up we were often subjected to hot, humid Minnesota summer nights with no air conditioning taught to appreciate fresh air.  So it is my nature to pull back the curtains and let in the breeze whenever it reaches mild temps above 45 degrees.

With that said, our hotel windows have been open a lot considering the beautiful weather in Sao Paulo.  And my husband who is allergic to everything I love very much, has irrational fears of what can crawl into open windows.

Case in point:

(Husband)  You need to start closing the windows or sloths will get in.

(Me)  I’m sorry.  What?

(Husband) Things will be able to get in, like sloths and piranhas.

(Me) …

1. Wikipedia tells me sloths are unable to survive outside of the tropical rain forests of South and Central America.

2. This guy has longer arms than legs… like me.  So as far as I’m concerned he’s my friend.

3. I bet sloths give great hugs.  From here on out, I will be asking for sloth-hugs.

4.  I felt it unnecessary to add a picture of a piranha.  I also find it pointless to explain why a piranha would not come into our room by means of the window.

5.  Lutraphobia is the fear of otters.  Unfortunately, there’s no phobia that specifically deals with sloths.  (Although, it is amazing how many options appear when you google ‘fear of sloths’.)

6.  My husband has still not read the blog.  We talk about it on occasion, but he has not asked to see it.  So… until then, you are welcome to enjoy our bizarre conversations.